Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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