Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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