OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
