The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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