i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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