Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
