i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
