I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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