I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
