with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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