everyone is single if you try hard enough
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
