so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
