I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
