I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
