Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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