hell yes lets make some ravioli
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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