I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How naked do you want me to be?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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