Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
