She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
