My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
