He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
