how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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