You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
