Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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