Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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