Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You did what with his pubic hair?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
