ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
