Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
two words: eviction party
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
