it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
