My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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