Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
