real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
