I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
