Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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