i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
