Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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