if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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