Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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