i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
