im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
