Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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