So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
