Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
