All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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