My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
