tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
