Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worst night to have a conscience
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
