You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
