So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
