careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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