...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
