I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He better not be in your backpack
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
