I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
